Staying at the Bihar School of Yoga for eight months has shaped me in ways I did not realize until I came back to Lebanon. My stay in the ashram was an experience, where a lot of things got broken but a lot got built.
When I came back to Lebanon, I saw how my ego had become a bit more flexible, and how much the ashram had taught me the act of being the drashta, the observer, especially in family situations, where before I would be aggressive and selfish.
I understood how putting boundaries is very important, even if it is with the parents. I am not here to please the surroundings but to create a coherent and understanding environment. Voicing myself is part of the boundary. Staying quiet but with inner intentions which are not pure does not make me a ‘better person’.
I observed that I am in a more positive energy with myself and with my surroundings. I am shocked to know that I have more strength and the ability to see beyond events which before used to make me collapse. I can sense a less tamasic energy within me.
I could go on about so many things. I had to reflect on the importance of karma yoga where we are sometimes put in situations to confront and do seva with people who trigger us so much. Karma yoga polishes the ego, so that we can really see our true potential. So many expectations were broken. The ashram taught me to believe in myself and not to rely on another person’s shoulder, yet to accept and see the divine in all as we are all walking towards the same light.
All of this happened with the grace of Swamiji. He was always the anchor, the Guru who embodies all the teachings given by him and by Swami Satyananda. In his satsangs, he would remind me that humility, compassion and understanding is the key to self-evolution. He would remind me that nothing is against me, that all of his blessings through karma yoga are meant for me to overcome my limitations, my stubbornness and see my potential. Everything offered by him is a platform for me to grow.